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Archive for the ‘redesign life’ Category

Why You Host Your Own Blog: Attracting a Dream

You host you own blog because you can’t use javascript on a free wordpress blog. I can’t use aweber on my blog, even though I have my own domain name,  or google analytics or any other bell or whistle that requires javascript or php.

DRAT!  When you hit the edge of the envelope, there is nowhere else to go. So, I am working on installing the multiblog by Stephen Rider on my host so that all my little bloggets can play nicely together.  Another learning experience. It’s been an interesting week.

Stilll, you can’t learn anything if you don’t get in there and get your hands dirty–and mine are covered with frazzled energy code and databse error messages. It’s time for a break.

While taking action is crucial to get where you want to go, it is also necessary to attract what you want. If you get your mind right, and hold your mouth right while you are doing, it goes better.  The more frazzled and upset you allow yourself to be, beating the drum of what you don’t want, the more of it you get. 12-steppers talk about HALT….not letting yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.   When you get frustrated with something, it’s best to walk away for a few moments…or hours….until you can shift your energy to a different frequency that does not attract more frustration and anger.  That is not procrastination, it is refocusing, reframing. 

 James Brausch talks today about the Law of Attraction, which he does not seem to care for as expressed by a number of folks, but I think that having a clear goal in mind, and seeing yourself doing the things in that goal helps you to embody them.  How can you consider even trying to write a blog, make a product, or write a novel if you can’t even imagine doing it?

Yes, of course, you have to do the work.  But it goes better if you do the work in your imagination first, following with concrete actions soon after.  It’s called Visualizing. Having a dream. Being passionate. Following your bliss.

All those words have -ing on them, which means that at some level they are verbs, actions, continuous actions.

Dream. Do. Dream Do……more fun than DO BE DO BE DO….but then maybe I am just a Pisces.

Don’t have a Niche? Get a Life!

In reading about how to target a niche audience, I realized that I don’t have a life.

I don’t have hobbies, unless you count blogging. I don’t watch TV, unless you count a DVD once a week or so. I don’t hang out except with my adult daughter, and then we are working on brainstorming for her artwork and writing or mine. I don’t even surf the net, play games or chat.

I do write two blogs for myself, and one for work. I teach online for U. of Phoenix, which means reading the 300 or so posts every week from the class, and grading their papers. I am studying how to use the internet to make money, so I can have a life. I am writing on the sequel to my novel, ( a semi-finalist in the Amazon Breakout Novel contest), and I maintain several websites in addition to my own. The internet is my first life, not my second.

That’s some kind of catch-42* I suppose. Can’t find a niche until you have a life, and you can’t have a life because you are looking for a niche. Get a life? Isn’t that what we are all working for, to be able to enjoy life?

Here’s a solution. Stop looking for a niche.

Go for the big nickel. You have something to say, and you say it to the world. Keep saying it. Say it in as many places as you can: your blog, your website, your articles, your podcast, you book, your videos, on the phone, everywhere. Say it until you are blue in the face. Say it until you are sick of it, and then see what else you have to say.

Someone out there needs to hear what you are saying. Give it away until you find the value of it. Then give most of it and charge for the rest. Or you could charge for it first and hype it up all over the place until someone finally hears you over the hype.

Someone will hear you. The more you put it out there, casting your words out like bread on the waters, the more chances the words will come back to you, maybe bringing the goose that lays golden eggs. That’s the plan.

What am I saying? Get a life. Live the one you have. Go and do what you do. Sing your song. Dance your dance. Praise ALL THAT IS that you woke up this morning. If you are stuck, move something. Change something. Discover the Zen of housework.

*42 being the answer to the eternal question,  according to Douglas Adams

How to Help a Friend In Need – EFT

My best friend called me yesterday from her home in the land North of the Mason-Dixon. I don’t see her very often, but we stay in touch by phone and email forwards. But she didn’t call to chat. She was in tears, panic stricken, and almost unable to talk. She had fallen in the bathroom. She was afraid because it could have been much worse, and she was home alone while her husband was across the continent on a business trip. She has some health issues, and she was afraid that something like this would happen. When it did, she freaked. She was already upset more because her husband might find out that she fell than she was from falling. She said that she wasn’t hurt–no broken bones, no skint knees, no visible bruisng.

It was like talking to a scared four-year-old. But for once I had a solution, something we could do that would actually help. In the past,  I would just fuss at her, which would make her feel comfortable if not good. She is used to her family telling her that she is being “stupid.” She doesn’t need any more of that. I taught her how to tap. We used EFT to help her calm down.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques)  is a process of calming yourself and clearing energy blocks by tapping your fingers lightly on your face, your chest and your hands.  It does not take long to work, partly because it distracts you from the immediate issue by having to focus on saying a phrase aloud while you are tapping in sequence.  Tapping clears the energetic  “zzzzts” as EFT founder Gary Craig calls them. These “zzzzts” are places in our energetic bodies where energy is stuck, like a short circuit, where it can’t flow in a healthy way.  EFT is not a cure or a substitute for medical attention, but it is a complementary and non-invasive process to help any other therapy.  I use it for staying on my eating plan, breaking through writers block and staying awake on slow days at work.

I said the reminder phrases to my friend, and had her repeat them as we both tapped. After two rounds, she was breathing easier, and after four, she even laughed.  By then her adult self was back in charge, and we were able to talk. She called me back several hours later. She had called her husband to tell him, so that she wouldn’t dread it, and while he was concerned about her, he was certainly not angry with her as she thought he might be. She sounded like bright, strong woman who is my friend again. I asked her to tap some more when she went to bed, to help her relax and avoid some of the soreness she was expecting. I’ll check on her tomorrow to see how she is doing.

A good place to learn EFT is Carol Look’s Attracting Abundance website. She has a newsletter with  open archives and several videos and books for sale to help people learn EFT and to see how it works. Carol is a licensed psychologist in private practice, and she uses EFT with many of her clients because it often has very quick results. She offers scripts for working through many emotional sore spots  such as weight loss, anxiety, resistance, confusion, as well as attracting abundance.  I bought her weight loss software,  and it helps me stay on my food plan by letting me distract myself from my snack cravings.  She also has a book on her favorite subject, Attracting Abundance. It shows how to use EFT and other techniques such as the games explained by Jerry and Ester Hicks  in the Abraham books to help you look at the world in a joyful way. This is critical for having the kind of life that we all want, free of fear  and full of joy. 

I think I’ll send my friend a copy, and maybe she will be willing to tap with me. I would like to see her joyful and confident again.  After all, she is my best friend.

Snow Day – An Unexpected Gift

Snow ISnow IIUsually snow days put me in the dumps. For one thing, I work by the hour, and my college is always closed when it snows–no make-up snowdays for part-timers.   In South Carolina, it doesn’t snow very often, but snow that Yankees would not even notice shuts down everything here.  I did not pay much attention to the rumored weather predictions, but when I woke up at 4 am and could see clearly from the street light outside my house, I knew the white stuff had landed. 

Even though I knew it wouldn’t get much lighter during the day, I got up at 6 and started catching up on some tasks that I would have saved for the weekend.  I watched as the snow began to fall off the trees and the roads melted from slush to wet.  I had to admit that it was pretty and peaceful.

 I posted a list of resources for Christian writers on my Wise Author blog, and set out to find some ezines for article submissions. I took a few pix outside because it’s a law here that you have to document snow. I had an enlightening conversation with my friend about why the poverty-conscious rednecks we know are so hateful towards those who have some money, especially since the “haves” generally worked for it, possibly with some more knowledge, education, or skill that the “have nots” haven’t. 

Her family had much more money than mine did as we werer growing up, which we discussed, but she does not judge others by their income. On the other hand, her sensitive spot is her education, since she for various reasons, did not go to college.  What we came up with for an answer was that people who don’t know what to do may project their own feelings of worthlessness as anger towards those who do know what to do.  Since she and I are in a MLM business, part of the discussion was on how to teach someone what to do, so that they would feel confident enough to do even without skill, and to be willing to get past that irrational resentment. 

It is a lot easier to be angry and resentful, than it is to face uncertainty and possible failure.  It’s much easier to watch TV or play cards or do any number of distrating things and complain about how unfair life is than it is to take a step in a new direction with focus and determination. It is also hard to look back and see that one hasn’t done nearly what could have been done, but water that’s already flowed under the bridge is very hard to swallow (grin).

This conversation gave me a lot of insights to how much my perspectives have changed on so many topics. For example, I don’t complain about my job, wish it was Friday on Monday afternoon, or check the clock constantly for going-home time.  I am glad to be employed at the moment. I am working towards the day when I can work three hours a day on the computer instead of ten to twelve or sixteen, but where I am now is good, much better than in times past.

In studying about how to earn money on the internet, I have felt stuck by the feeling that I did n’t ahve anything to make into a product, nothing that I could sell to anyone. But that’s just that old redneck whining, which I gave up when I went back to grad school.  I don’t know everything I need to know to be sucessful, but I now that learning comes from doing, evaluating, doing, evaluating, and then doing again. Not Trying. Doing.

Then this afternoon, my copy of James Brausch’s Earn a Living by Creating Your Own DVD arrived! I’m going to be learning by doing this afternoon. I’m still looking for a subject for my product. Anybody have any ideas?

Stop Complaining Now! Start Living Well.

Groan. Bitch. Moan. Whine. Sound familiar to you? That’s what I hear at work all day–some of it from my own mouth. Spit. Pfui. Bleechhh. Let me get a drink of water to wash out my mouth! I am so tired of hearing all that crap. And even more tired of spewing it. No more. Period.

Today I read Joe Vitale’s review of a book written by Will Bowen, a best book of 2007: A Complaint Free World, from a link on James Brausch’s blog.  

Random House’s publisher site has this exerpt from the book:

In this book, you can learn what constitutes a complaint, why we complain, what benefits we think we receive from complaining, how complaining is destructive to our lives, and how we can get others around us to stop complaining. You will learn the steps to eradicating this poisonous form of expression from your life. If you stay with it, you will find that not only will you not complain, but others around you will cease to do so as well. In a short period of time, you can have the life you’ve always dreamed of having.

To get the life I have been dreaming of having, all I have to do is stop complaining about the life I have now. Will Bowen says that 6 million people have taken the 20 day challenge to stop complaining, gossiping and otherwise spreading verbal refuse around themselves.  Thank you, Will for explaining that concept to me.

What a concept! A Complaint Free World!

One of my coworkers shared his 2008 project with me today (we gave up resolutions years ago). He plans to make NEW MISTAKES this year, instead of repeating old ones. After all, once you make a new mistake, it is never a mistake again, but a CHOICE.  There is no point in complaining about a choice that we have made–a tenet of the 12-step programs.  After all, another name for “making mistakes” is “learning.” If my friend works at his project for making new mistakes, he will learn much.

But I also remember reading this week that we need to cultivate gratitude, even gratitude for our mistakes.  After all, we did learn from them, even if we only learned that it was a mistake to do that. And if we didn’t learn not to do that, it still isn’t a mistake when we do it again.  So, I look back at my two failed marriages, my poor taste in men generally, my less than overflowing abundance, and I think, yes, I am grateful, if nothing else, that things are no worse than they are.  I have learned a lot about a lot of things, one being that you attract what you are. I decided my magnet needed to be realigned!

 Better yet, my life is are good. I have never been hungry (except when dieting!) or cold or without clothing or shelter or anything I needed. I haven’t done without much of what I wanted, for that matter. My car runs–it runs so well that I have over 200k miles on it, all but 50k of which I put on it–I have the money to pay the taxes on it and get a new tag for it, a personalized tag.  I have insurance on it.

I don’t have health insurance, which means that my medical expenses for the last ten years have been less than premiums for one year.  I don’t have cable, which is good because I don’t watch TV.  I have DSL internet, which allows me to work at home when I get home from work.  I’m not rolling in dough, but then, I haven’t put much effort into setting up those multiple streams of income that my gurus keep telling me about.

But I still can.  Life is good, folks. LIFE IS GOOD. Thanks, Joe. Thanks, Will. Thaks, James. Thanks, Bruce. Thank you for reading.

The Power of Story: Book Review

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!  Is that why you are stuck?  

 When Jim Loehr’s The Power of Story came through my mail slot, I remembered that I hadn’t ordered my free book from Bookwise this month, so they just sent me one. I’m glad they did. It’s a good one, not about how to write fitction, but how to write truth, how to write your own life.  And in life, as in fiction, writing is rewriting. 

Loehr explains how our minds are hard-wired to think in terms of narrative, of stories, and how the false stories we repeat to ourselves keep us from achieving the joy, love and success we desire from life. The subtitle of the book is Rewrite Your Destiny in Business and in Life. Much more than just positive thinking, Loehr uses this metaphor to help Fortune 500 executives, athletes, and other professionals change their stories to acievce wnat they really want: deep relationships with their spouse and children, vibrant health, joy and fulfillment in their work, time to enjoy the money that they make.  

He emphasizes the need for engagement with whatever activity we are doing–focus on being present in the moment and putting all of one’s energy into the task at hand. He calls the common lack of engagment at work “presenteeism,” the word for people who show up but who are disengaged, unfocused. This disengagment can be due to poor nutrition, lack of sleep, lack of exercise or habitual lack of focus from multitasking.  I know that my performance is affected by these things, not the least of which is dozing off at my desk in boredom.

While you won’t find any new information–you know what it is that you need to do and aren’t doing, though you may not be so aware of the stories you tell yourself to keep your self comfortably in denial –the logical explanations and real life examples fit into the metaphor of writing a story, with you as the hero of your life. The difference of his book is the structural outline of how to make the changes in one’s story  and then take the action to embody those changes. For example, he suggests to corporate VPs that they encourage their subordinates to exercise while at work, to provide healthy alternatives to canteen and cafeteria menus, to limit meeting times, and to encourage people to take time for children’s activities such as ball games and school plays. He tells them to lead by example.

Loehr gives a storyboard for revising the old stories (excuses, self-deception, denial) into new stories, based on one’s purpose in life.  First, write down your purpose–what do you want to leave behind when you die? What do you want people to say about you? Why are you doing the things you do? Then pick an area in your life that does not support that and think of the changes you might make to realign your life. One man left his cellphone in his car, so that he would not be distracted from his time with his wife and chidren.  Another man made a point of calling home to speak to his sons at 8pm every night that he was travelling so that he could talk to them and stay in relationship with them.

Once you have your purpose and your new story about what you are doing, you set up action rituals, record your performance on them and repeat those actions for ninety days. The twelve step programs have used “90 meetings in 90 days” for decades to get people making enough changes to support their new life-affirming story.  After you have a new habit firmly embedded in your subconscious  along with its new and purpose-filled story, you choose another new ritual to establish.  Loehr provides a strong framework for changing the stories to help the reader revise all life limiting stories.

Graduation! Not yet, but the end is near.

For the last two years I have been pursued by an MA in Humanities (what the #Q%$% was I thinking????), studying education, Jungian psychology and myth. The myth is what got me into this thing, but after next week I will be about of it, having presented my last presentation, written my last paper (already submitted) and shared a not-the-last weekend with my Jag sisters: Cathy, Barb, Karen, Susan and Chrysm.  I am so looking forward to being with them this week.

 The actual graduation will be in May of ’08 when the spring Jags will finish up, and that will at least give us a chance to eat again at the Siam Elephant in Carpenteria and drink a few libations while dancing at The Palms. So I am savoring a few moments away from my portfolio, which isn’t done yet, but which will come together before I leave home on Friday to fly to the left coast. Or else. I can sleep on the plane so if I have to pull an all nighter to polish it up, so be it.

So for what have I traded two years of my life, not to mention the $30k+ I borrowed, when I already had a MEd?  I am in my Saturn return year at 56, and I am looking to redesign my life. I have seen how I have cut off too many parts of my true self by telling myself too many old stories: the mockups my parents had for me, my teachers, and even the ideas I had as a child. Children do manage to survive a lot, but they misunderstand things. I guess I have finally gotten old enough to know better, and I’ve had enough people call me on my stuff to begin to straighten it out.

I feel big changes coming to me, but as yet, I can’t see what they are. I know that I have a lot of input as to how my life will be, but I want to focus on the vibration of it rather than sweating the details. I have always wanted to be a writer, and with free blogs, I can write until my fingers bleed every day, all day long. I have my own publish button too. What a great idea!

The main thing is that I am now freer to write new stories, to spend my writing time making them publishable and then sending them out into the world to support me in my old age. Who cares if the average writer makes $5k a year? I am not average. And from what I see in B&N, average is about right!

 So, a toast with cream cheese and blackberry jelly to ending school again, to finding the open doors or jiggling a few windows to see where the path leads next….hmmmm, mixed metaphors sounds like B&E.

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